So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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