idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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