Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
