CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
