i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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