Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
