Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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