he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
