My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
