You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
