fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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