Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
