If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
