glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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