You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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