he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
