Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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