Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
