How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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