Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
