The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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