Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
