okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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