Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
