I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
