I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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