it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
