i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
