if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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