So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
