forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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