Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
