is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
