I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
