got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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