for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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