Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
