I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
