I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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