you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
