On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
