Your dad touched me again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Vodka?
Forever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
