Your dad touched me again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
