My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
