This girl is more easily done than said...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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