apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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