so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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