WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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