im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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