I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
