I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
